I think I'm in Tiajuana
You are not in Tijuana. I saw you an hour ago
I could be
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I woke up on the side of the highway to the ppl in orange jumpsuits cleaning to comunity service. Not sure which freaked them out more... Finding a dead b ody or me not being dead
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
We should make a goal to do one active thing a day, even if its like throwing a ball
And by ball i mean playing catch. Beer pong does not count as an activity
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
The entire defensive line took care if me when I passed out. One of them even held my hair when I puked and the other carried me upstairs to bed. God I love football so much more now
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
I've had 5 hours of sleep and I still smell like sex with the Colonel. I don't appreciate spontaneity.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
Randomize
