I saw him at work today and he gave me a really awkward "I know what you do drunk" look...
I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
Dear drunk me, don't shave my balls til you're sober. My junk looks like a pomeranian with mange.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
Can we fangirl? Can we have fangirl Tuesdays?
Sure lol what's that?
Oh, dear, sweet Laura. Please start singing A Whole New World. I have Aladdin's part, you're Jasmine.
Why?
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You have all semester to unpack your car, quarter jello shots only last until 10.
I feel like I shouldn't be encouraging my friends to hook up with their teachers.....but if it's for academic reasons....then I definitely encourage it.
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Did you smoke and go to the aquarium again?
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
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