I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
he was humming party in the usa while we were having sex.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
yeah i didn't know anyone, but i just walked in with a lit sparkler and wearing a budweiser shirt and someone handed me a beer.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Also so weird my phone cracked after I repeatedly threw it at the ground as hard as possible
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Ahha guy saw me buying beer, went "hmmmmm" and nodded his head approvingly. No words exchanged, but he has made his way to my heart haha
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Randomize
