I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
arkansas has a gas station called kum and go....story of my life
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
Anywhere you can eat green eggs and ham, you can have sex.
He tried. I said no. He said, "It's ok if I do this?" and proceeded to jerk himself off. Oh, the French.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
Please don't smoke the bong in the bathroom while you shit. It is not a shitting bong.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm only coming over if you have cocaine or a snickers bar
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
Randomize
