sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
Sleeping with two different guys who share a driveway is getting increasingly challenging to keep secret
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I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
dude to be honest with you there is a used condom that ive just left on my floor for three days
you have got to get your shit together
somehow he and i always have our deepest conversations after phone sex.
Your heart is a swirling cauldron of blackness that does not pump blood but rather a sludgey mixture of evil and broken dreams.
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"Stranger danger aquaman" were the last words i remember. help me.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
Doing the walk of shame at 1 AM. Stumbled across a rave. This night is epic.
I thought i was doing pretty well but I walked into my first class and everyone on my side of the room immediately asked how drunk and high I was
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
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