those bitches were sniggering at my man-pris like they were goddesses of fashion!
...dude i pray you are quoting something, someone, anyone...
Then you jumped off your bed with your arms outstretched, yelled "I'm Goliath, watch out New York!" and then began singing the Gargoyles theme song as you 'soared' around your room.
Don't be ridiculous, the Gargoyles theme song has no words. How could I sing that mess?
You just started going "da da da da da! da da da da da! DA DA!!" then going "swoosh" as you glided about.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
We tried having a conversation with our noses.
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
Screw them and thier engaged asses. I've got liquor to drink and boys I don't know to make out with.
Made a pan flute out of the varyingly empty beer bottles on the table. Played a glorious tune that paid tribute to the winds.
I just crawled out of bed at 5AM to make her a peanut butter and Nutella sandwich. Somewhere in the distance, I could hear whips cracking.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
Randomize
