he just texted me two pictures of his dick. i feel i should rethink whatever vibe im obviously giving out
so is it as big as he says?
he put a tube of toothpaste next to it as a reference. it looks legit
Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
But youre all cute and shit. Woo that cunt. And by cunt i mean strong independent woman
Oh my fucking god you idiot bitch just get here forget about the vodka the fucking cops are looking for you
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
You know what, don't say anything. You all made fun on me for saying I would fuck him junior year when he taught us algebra and six years later, HERE I AM.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Apparently today is power bottom appreciation day
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
