i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
Just found out its our ciliated mucous membrane that traps the molly when we snort it. Biology does relate to life
He's so young, I keep getting a mental image of him in footie pajamas. It's cute but it's wrong. Or is it?
My goal tonight is to get arrested because what cop can say they have ever arrested a giant sperm before. God I love halloween
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
Denis dont give a fuck, Denis drinks out of straws. Denis disregards the fire station & bought 18 fire hoses so he can fight it himself if the farmhouse is on fire.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
Beer and xanax may be a bad combo, but I don't really care due to the beer and the xanax.
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
Randomize
