You screamed, "I am going to fuck this cheeseburger". They all started laughing until you actually started having sex with the cheeseburger.
i dont remember who you are as you are in my phone as "mr. peanut."
Spotted on freeway- girl in ford focus takes a hit from a 7 inch pipe while knee driving. She winked at me. I want her life.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
I just realized I have my pepper spray, gun, and vibrator all in one drawer. One false grab and I'm screwed either way.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
Im still alive. Just can't talk. Or move. No need to worry
He passed out again after sex. I've hidden all his clothes. There's no way he is sneaking out in the morning this time!
Well then sir I'll probably see you tomorrow after my class and at 3 with your clothes off. Sounds like a solid way to start the weekend to me
I have an interview tomorrow! The couple we regularly swing with said I could use them as references. Winning
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
