1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Make sure you take the apple pie out of your pocket before you pass out.
I take your lack of response to mean that your hands are taped to 40 ounces of something.
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
Dude..this is the third year in a row me and him have fucked at a super bowl party..does that count as a tradition?
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
Just a reminder- you dropped broccoli in my car and then felt bad for it and named him Henry
I know. I miss henry.
Just found a pair of vomit-soaked socks in my purse, three days after the party... Now I know why my wallet was wet.
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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