Do you ever creep on the girls you have banged and wondered how their walk of shame went?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
she keeps a pillow, blanket, and a pack of saltines under the bathroom sink, for "rough nights".
Are you pooping in the stall next to me?
Maybe....
Cause I just heard a fart and it sounded like one of your farts.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Just picture a bunch of Abraham Lincolns having an orgy.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
Also I think he would slowly, painfully, die. You really can't live without a penis. You'd explode.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
Tinder date just called. I was supposed to be there 30 minutes ago but I'm on a 27 game win streak in Park...?
Fuck that man! Tell her your dog died or something. Reschedule that shit, you can't stop 2K at a time like that. Ball is life bro... Priorities.
Randomize
