He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
i learned a valuable lesson last night. sometimes nice girls finish first. twice.
i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I fucked her to her "thinking of him" playlist. Sucks to be that guy haha
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
THEY WONT LEYT ME IN AND I REALLY NEED SOME FRUIT
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Was it you who made out with a toothless guy last night?
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
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