I'm going to jail i love you
If she catches me sniffing the seat of her office chair again, she's either going to fire me or fuck me
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Stuck in the Dallas airport. At the bar. Everytime a flight to DC gets cancelled, I'm takin a shot. Fuck you snow.
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
Just had a stripper snatch my glasses off my face with her ass
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I just stood on my roof naked pouring vodka onto my garden. sweet dreams
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
Haha he's lucky I don't kick him back into the land of the majestic handjobs
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I told her my cab was outside the club and that I had to go, but I think we both knew this wasn't going anywhere past the sloppy bathroom handjob.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
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