i just wanna soil my oats bro
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
at home by myself drinkin the left over champagne from my party... who says my birthday has to end?
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
tried to out drink an american air force weapons loader. never again
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
The cat be actin like a 2:30 am poop is the time to tell me all about her thoughts and fears in life. No bitch, this is definitely alone time.
So, left this guys house wearing a #1 Grandpa shirt and I think this is the best sex score I've ever had.
My Tinder date from last night is my Uber driver for tonight's Tinder date...neither of us said a word.
Christ I forgot how flexible you need to be for a decent sext pic. Jesus.
Randomize
