...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
I accidently shit my pants. So I tried to throw my underwear in their lake, but they floated. So in the middle of the night, I got into the paddle boat and had to throw a rock on top of them so they would sink. Next time, I just won't shit myself.
my mom just found my flavored lube in the basement. she gave me a lecture about how "giving head is degrading" omg i feel sooooo bad for my dad
i think he drugged the pie. i'll get back to you on that later.
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
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