I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
but how can he casually chat with my father 8 hours after asking me if i'm a screamer
We had sex on roll out bean bag chair, and then proceeded to sleep with a blanket with dolphins on it. Happy birthday to me.
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Apparently she broke up w/ her bf like 3 weeks ago. She actually called me to be her bday hookup cause she's single now. Patience- the virtue that occasionally pays off.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
I guess I was blacked out I hopped a fence and hugged a cow that night.
I may or may not have just let Ash Ketchum capture my wild Pikachu in a parking lot.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
and than he said 'I did amateur porn for a while' and I just knew tinder did not fail me this time
Thanks for that golden cinnamony goodness that flowed from your fake tits last night haha
FYI: Brian said he left me in the bathroom Friday night to shower and 45 minutes later found me with a towel around my head, my pants on and holding my boobs. No more Jell-O shots for me.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
I can tell right now that knowing you will either be really fun or ruin my life
I'm more worried that you thought licking a pole on Bourbon street would turn me on
just remember the most important rule of taking psychedelics: monsters can't get through blankets
And I'm glad you're waiting to invite him over. he may have a weird penis thing and then dinner becomes awkward.
I don't think that calm, have their shit together people actually exist.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
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