when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
my mom noticed the "toothpaste" stain on my tshirt...she repeatedly attempted to get it off by licking her thumb and rubbing it. See Jenn it obviously doesnt taste that bad...
Fact: my bamboo plant has grown 2 & 1/2 inches since I started watering it with bong water
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I feel like I got hit by a truck. And I vaguely remember getting into an argument with a passive aggressive Ron Burgundy in a onesie- grown man, not a baby- about the pronunciation of New Orleans
Nobody likes ball hair. Not even gay dudes
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
I'm sorry, I'm tired, I can't play long distance cockblock anymore. Good night don't get too pregnant.
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