So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
...I woke up with a yo yo in my underwear...
did you dip my ponytail in franzia? its the only thing i can think of to explain my hair right now.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
Best case scenario you died and I melt into poo
It's amazing what a couple of orgasms can do for a girls demeanor.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
I accidentally brought up how there used to be a big tree in his yard, which I could only have known if I had been Google mapping his house.
Just sent a nude with the caption "seasons greetings from our family to yours"
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