the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I told him I had my daily dose of vitamin c so i wouldn't blow him
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
we were having sex and the sweat made her make up run... seriously laid there and watched her face just melt into ugly.
just woke up in the hotel with gummi bears all around me and someone took the tv
we took the tv and as for the gummi bears don't eat them you put em in her vagina
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
Why is it that every study session with you turns into a hunt for drugs?
Where were you last night, and why am I not surprised that drag queens were involved?
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I think it’s appropriate to celebrate the start of mother’s day at the bar with the men that almost made me a mother
Randomize
