But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
the party was called freshmen disorientation. i was just following the theme
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
I think his roommates are using word magnets to tell me that they can hear us. His fridge currently says, "Chris ate out naughty girl."
someday i'll meet a woman who will love me for my marvelous breasts and ignore my many character faults.
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I just want to drink cheap wine and throw my bra at an aging singer songwriter
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
The stripper told Tom to sort his life out
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
Randomize
