So recap time do u remember biting that girls hand?
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Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
Just threw the poptarts. Sgits boutta go Down. 1 liter of wine
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
just gave another girl i passed on the walk of shame a high five
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Frozen waffles and wine. Loneliness-party of one
i've hooked up with him and three of his roommates and not a single one of them knows about it..think its safe to say i found the silver lining in a boys inability to communicate
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I think I have internal bruising from those poses we were doing last night. My own ribs hurt me. I don't understand.
I think Charlie st. Cloud is the saddest thing I can masturbate to.
I guess I gave him a 20 minute play-by-play of the first three sections of R. Kelly's 'trapped in a closet.'
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
he has a knack for choosing the worst time to masturbate
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I'm glad we have the kind of friendship where if either of us is too drunk to fuck a hot guy, we pass the responsibility to each other and get the job done.
I just re read that. We really need to get our lives together.
I look like a herd of wild horses chewed on my back. If you bite me again while taking me from behind, I'm going to have to cut you off.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
Just considered the plausability of using my detachable showerhead as a beer bong. Has my life really devolved to this?
I wouldn't necessarily say I'm in her pants...I'd say I'm more on the on ramp to the freeway to the long way to her pants. There really isn't a short cut.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
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