Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
she keeps The Day After Pill in her bra... there is a God.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Just so you know, I'm standing in my bra eating cereal. My keys were in the cereal box.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
He stumbled into my room, flopped on my bed, shoes on my pillow and asked me for a juice box. Then fell asleep with the juice box on his forehead.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I say this as a friend, you would make a SPECTACULAR crossdresser
Kellie accidentally ran into the car with two teenagers making out. made a big thud. there was a loud scream and she was gone...haven't seen her since
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
Randomize