Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
He called me "the Joe Montana of blowies." Not sure if that is an accomplishment or an insult, but going off of the amount of condensation on the windows of my car, I'm gonna just do a little touchdown dance and pass out.
the dude from the bar called to tell his mom about me immediately after we finished PLEASE COME GET ME
I know man...but i cant pass up a catholic school girl fantasy
I walked into his living room and saw him watching the play-offs while eating tomato paste out of the can with a bottle of wine. I'm telling you to stop talking to him. now.
We just got really drunk and bought toilet paper. Successful Monday.
I just drank til 6am then boned a 32 yr old that looks exactly like ET. Oh god.
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Randomize
