yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Don't judge me. Haven't eaten all day so I'm in my room sticking my finger in peanut butter, then jam, then my mouth.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
Caleb has a beard comb now. Also I have a pube comb now too. May or may not be related incidents
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
What does it mean when the government shuts down and your boyfriends wife wants a divorce ON YOUR BIRTHDAY?
Randomize
