Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
oh well at that point I was already depressed with life because I had watched the bratz movie.
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
I don't even know if I LIKE sober sex any more.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
That is an awkward looking cockshot, not gonna lie
And then after we fucked he wouldn't stop calling me "champ". It was like I had sex with an extremely attractive soccer coach
So the woman who sold us weed at the park is pregnant. With another small child. And the basket she used to carry the joints is decorated with Barney stickers.
She's like a yuppie Nancy Botwin. She just gets better and better.
Your exhaustion is probably due to your rampant sexual urges and the fact that you live the same life as a raccoon.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Is it bad that I recognize every dick in your dic pic collection?
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
What the hell did you do last night?
I embarrassed myself, my family, name, and possibly my country.
Dude if I had a dollar for everytime she asked me to do weird shit with her when we were fucking I'd have like 4$
I'm sitting in the car vaping at an elementary school to try and deal with the stress of existing. About how i thought being 30 would go for me tbh
Randomize
