oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
I have the Everlasting Gobstopper of boners right now. It's kinda like a gift from god, but I don't want to spend anymore time with this girl than I have to.
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
Well I blew a guy I barely know in full view of a homeless camp. That's pretty tame for me.
And I think your bro would be happy to know that when I took my bra off like 10lbs of confetti fell out. It was like my tits were celebrating being free
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Drunk me started making nachos apparently but never got to the part with the cheese. There are chips everywhere
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Randomize
