i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Ugh I just wanna make an announcement like: Attention high school classmates: if we haven't spoken in 5 years, we don't need to start now. Please be on your way
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
I disagree, if your last name is Weiner then the sending of dick pics should be mandatory. I'd give him a pass.
we got stoned then he started showing me how to make his penis look like a hamburger...if that's not true love idk what love is
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Apparently someone was hiding in a storm drain dressed as Pennywise from it and offering passersby free penis enlargement pills.
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