Just mADE A PArabola og urine
Thats about the time I should have known you would run around naked and try to make out with my sleeping mother
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
Every one of her profile pictures looks like an ad for American Apparel. Of course she has syphilis.
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
One good thing about being a mom now, I can tell which guys I'm dating were breastfed and which weren't... By the way they latch on to my breast during sex! Kinda kills the mood.
ask me again when I'm sobewr aka tuesday
A woman with Alzheimer's pointed at me and said, "Don't forget to wear socks, because you're a lady!" I think it's legit advice.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Randomize
