Erica just called me. She woke up in a storage closet in Mike's building with one shoe and no bag. Can you check your photos from last night to see if she had it at the bar?
lol whn u cming hre I nd 2 c ur fce
IF YOU TEXT ME ONE MORE SHORTENED VERSION OF A WORD, THE ONLY THING YOU'LL SEE IS MY FIST IN YOUR FACE.
Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
Your drunk naked friend is roaming the living room. Started roaming my room. Please come retrieve him
Do you want me to add this to the list of actions I will state at your intervention
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Why so philosophical about cake and sex this morning?
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
On a scale of one to 10 how Risky is it to sleep with a married man (all morals set aside)
Randomize
