We just spray painted his balls while he is passed out....I cant wait to see him try to figure this out in the morning.
I got a black eye last night. This guy said for every 35 pounds you lose you gain an inch to your dick. I asked him how long he has been peeing sitting down.
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
I don't even know what beauty is right now. I wouldn't even pity fuck me today.
i know it happened because it happened right beside me, and at one point on top of me.
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
Tell me again why I left before the topless cake fight
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
there is a spider sitting on top of my weed like he owns it or some shit
no but seriously tf do i do? i have that spider phobia but i think my lvoe of the weed overpowers it
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
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