I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
CHAZ BONO WILL BE ON THE NEXT SEASON OF DANCING WITH THE STARS.
Internet Is back!
MY NEWS TRUMPS YOURS.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
Where can I buy a stripper pole at midnight on a Sunday?
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
I have already been up, showered, had a cup of coffee brought to me, added a little rum to cure the hangover, had sex and kicked him out and it's only 1pm. Successful day so far.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
