this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Going to eat lunch. Bunch of people in church clothes, and we are hungover, wearing pajamas, and in real danger of puking on the floor. We're about to destroy the ambience of this joint.
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
By the way, turns out "Danny B" is his penis. Not his cousin. I was right.
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
theres 5 guys on the side of the road with beads and their shirts off screaming at cars already.
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
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