I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
i think i have that disease where you wake up in strange places drunk.
How creepy of a mustache can you grow by wednesday night?
All I had with a note saying that my shoes are in the ceiling and good luck.
Someone just took a shot from my crotch. I should not have to drive home
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
If I don't get to have sex with him soon my entire female reproductive system is gonna climb out of my body and choke me to death
Steve watched craig and I have sex from the top level of his cat tower this morning.
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
I don't want to resort to having sex with people that actually like me.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
We stood outside the room listening to them have sex and making meow noises
That's not right, is it?
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
