didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
I locked my keys in my car in front of planned parenthood. I'm terrified of going inside to ask to borrow a clothes hangar.
Just tell them you need to fix a mistake real quick.
Could a canary swim?
Last time I ever let you pet sit.
one more question, do you know why i woke up with 5 pounds of quarters, nickels and dimes in my pocket?
I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
"Does your mom know how big your cock is?" Worst dirty talk I've ever had.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
The gyno asked how many partners i've had... I said ummmm she goes ok then i'll just put down ten.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
If a treadmill opens up I'll run next to him and then fall off so he has to give me mouth to mouth
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
Get your dick back in here. On Saturdays, you're not allowed to leave my bed unless it's to make me bacon or coffee.
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