one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
Great. Me and the intoxalock guy are getting so close he just said "alright see you later girl!" when I called about getting the blower recallibrated.
i am way too old to be getting fingered at work
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
A group of drunk Marines just serenaded me, never leaving this place
I just got hit on at the bar by a guy who used his mother as a wingman, she was pretty convincing. Only in Stratford.
I told him I felt we were at the point where if I saw him talking to another girl, I'd probably choke him out. So I guess you could say things are getting serious.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
So help me God.... if he sends me a dick pic.... I will make it so he has to eat food through a tube in his nose and poop into a bag by his belly button
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