Sweater Vest, Chin Strap, Beard, sporting a white Beret- Please don't ever let me be THAT guy.
Court Ordered Rehab!!! Do you think I'll need a swimsuit?
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
the wall and i were having dominance issues.
Yes, but it's not new to me. It's like every time a new guy finds out I'm a squirter it's a novelty so they make me squirt and squirt and squirt until their bed is completely soaked. And then afterwards they complain that there isn't a dry bit to sleep on. No shit Sherlock.
I'm not mad at you for letting me use my air mattress as a toilet, i'm mad at you for letting me lay back down on it.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
All he did was like my Instagram picture and I'm already planning how to turn down sex with him this weekend...
He fucked me in his tour van, I feel like an official groupie.... Except I don't even listen to his band.
I think even the taco bell employees judged me
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
Randomize
