didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
I GOT EATEN OUT IN A MERCEDES ON A TUESDAY NIGHT. I EARNED THIS SHIT.
The woman at the bus stop told me i smell delicious and asked if i wear cotton then proceeded to tell me about her shellfish allergy
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
I was really excited when I saw a billboard for neverbethirsty.org this morning. Then I realized it was for a church.
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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