Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
The name of tonight's festivities is hereby decreed to be the "Honey Boo Boo Hootenanny".
You had a hat of bras. Probably a good dozen, which is totally impressive for a Thirsty Thursday
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Um. Did you take a picture of me with a giant dildo after we went bowling?
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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