My bad bro. I had no idea that when i suggested our triva team name be my last abortion tickled, that she would bring up cancun. Stay strong i think she really liked you
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
I got offered a handle of vodka and tomato soup to bring his dog home. He knows me all too well.
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
No worries, I've prioritized my homework into "can do drunk" and "should be sober" categories. We're good.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
well ya only live once...
that cant be your answer for every horrible thing you do
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Two words: nipple clamps
Randomize
