You gave him your vagina and this is what I get in return? This is bullshit!
I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
Apparently, I kept going on about how i'm going to name my first born Ramen. I think this is a good parenting move.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
You know your life has gone downhill when someone has to preface your night with "don't get locked in a porta potty"
I think I'm just gonna exercise my lungs and fingers. With bong hits and crochet. BECAUSE I AM A REAPONSIBLE ADULT DAMMIT!!
i don't care if you are my best friend. does not give you the right to describe how well my sister gives blowjobs.
how about your cousin?
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