guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
About to find out how well alcohol and lazer tag mix.
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
Why'd you print out every dick pic you've ever received and tape them to the bathroom walls?
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
drunk boyfriend and drunk me are NOT meant for each other
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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