theres no cameras in the kitchen right? cause i dont wana get fired for peeing in the kitchen in a cup
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
If you listen closely you can hear the sound of inbreeding and shame.
Hypothetical Question: Would you take a cougar bullet for me?
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
Today is a wonderful day to be mildly hungover
I should probably stop recommending my dentist to the different guys I'm seeing. That could be awkward in the future.
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
In celebration of finishing my homework, lets drink tea w/ vodka
Randomize
