Do you have any idea why the dryer isn't working?
Because you touch yourself at night.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I just needed to know whether or not to wear panties to work tomorrow.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
I will be sticking my dick in something this weekend. You can either be that something or not. Your decision.
You know.... I ordered the nipple clamps when I was drunk. But on further consideration, THANKS DRUNK ME I LIKE WHATS HAPPENING
I just remembered you petting my nose last night to help the cocaine 'sink in'. I don't think that's how it works
YOURE ABOUT TO SEE SO MUCH UNCIRCUMCISED DICK
I didn’t spend $100 for a wax to sit here and listen to you FT your brother to complain about how bad the Jets are.
Randomize
