I dint menn to makr ut w brtendr
Wat???
U lft me at bar, no cassh for cab, may have slept with bartender
Gordon Ramsey's restaurant in NY is $150 each for the chef's menu
So you're taking me there this weekend?
oh, looks like he just opened a new restaurant right by us- it's called "McDonald's". Must be scottish food.
Okay. But I hope it isn't expensive lingerie. Because I'm ripping it off Hulk Hogan style.
what's the appropriate greeting for someone whose bed you've had sex with someone else in?
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
oh you know, the usual stuff. getting kicked out of bars and sleeping in cars.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I came so hard I burst a blood vessel in my eye. If i cant marry this girl, I'm gonna have to switch teams.
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Yeah man, you were grinding with his wife, I wouldn't be worried about it
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
