carls jr on main st. japanese tourist taking a dump in the urinal. reading a japanese newspaper and wearing a full suit.
be there in 3 mins
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Someone shattered a urinal.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
That guy drinking savagely was actually at his buddy's gay bachelor party in the male stripper section. He came over to the chicks side so we drank with him.
He had some sort of penis-related post traumatic stress disorder, but body shots seemed to wake him up
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
tried to make it look like I had been conscious/awake and out all day when I stumbled into cvs at 6pm to buy plan B
update: I failed
Is Oprah even human
I was supposed to go on a date tonight but I cancelled because I found out the Lizzie McGuire movie is on Netflix.
You can't leave me alone in times of distress because I will fuck things 🙈😐
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