Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I think off duty cops drove me home. I may have been hitchhiking
Leaving someone plastered on a corner at 3am telling them to just scream for cock is NOT being a good wingman.
I think I was using my hair to catch my vomit last night.
You were.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I fell down the stairs while taking the dog out last night. I was laying there with the dog licking me face and my neighbor just stepped over me
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
She'll feel so accomplished if she finally gets to bang me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
My boss asked me what was wrong today and I really wanted to tell her I woke up too late to smoke a bowl before coming in
Let me guess you did your hair instead? Has anyone told you about priorities?
Damn that brownie almost kicked my ass. I'm not sure if my flight home lasted 10 minutes or 10 days..
we just got sex advice from a midget. You better fucking get here.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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