i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
Really? A fat girl?
I'm walking her back. Chill out.
She is a nice girl okay. For some reason we are in my room though.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Your vagina is awesome, like it needs to teach a class for other vaginas
If I'm able to walk tomorrow morning, I'm gonna be really disappointed with myself...
You know the story of the boner party, right? They got stuck in the mountains and ate each other?
It was the Donner party... boner party was the porn version...
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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