Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
Cure to hiccups..road head..high five
I think I've given more of my business cards to Chipotle trying to win free burritos than anyone else
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
I moved my bed to the living room so when a girl walks in she has to decide right away if shes in or out
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Just beer bonged tequila, broke into the hotel next door and got chased by security. It's spring break
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
I just woke up, dressed as Chris Brown, with a bunless hot dog (presumably from 7/11) in my pocket, wearing a pair of shoes I don't recognize as my own. Help.
Randomize
