If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
I wish I only lived at night.
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
he said I was the best sex he's ever had, handed me a burger king crown and told me to take my walk of shame with pride
Let's get back to talking about you giving me a blow job.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
I rolled out of the car, crawled on all fours to the door, did somersaults all the way to my room, and then I ran across the parking lot to tell our neighbor you wanted to bang him. I'm not even sure if it was the right guy.
we probably should not get naked in my neighbor's garage again. just sayin
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Randomize
