There needs to be a term for a female version of a rusty trombone
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
I hate drunken dyslexia, i thought she said "someone to do" not "something to do" long story short i now have a restraining order.
And then like 10 minutes later they were taking a bath together. HOW DOES HE DO IT.
like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
Someday you'll be stoned enough to create a one-person step team and then you'll understand
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
"Offered to eat Froot Loops out of my belly button" drunk. Thats how drunk.
Randomize
