We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
I'm wearing this super skanky ass dress that's wayyy to slutty for church but I think Jesus will appreciate it because i look so bangin for his bday.
Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
we agreed that it was acceptable to get the cat high as long as we gave her a lot of food.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
how do you expect me to pass the time when I'm too old to be jailbait but too young to legally drink
How weird would it be to ask your bro to 3d print your dick for me
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Oh no. Did we do a blood oath again?!
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
Randomize
