the new term for farting is butt boxing.
i hate when i ask a girl what she's being for halloween and the first word isn't "slutty"
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
I learned his name tonight. This now makes him a real person. Obviously, I no longer want to sleep with him.
I CAME AT YOU WITH RAW FEELING
you grabbed my dick through my pants and hissed at me.
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
Stripper just cleaned my glasses with her nipple...
I think weed is turning my hair brown
I'm about to have a bowl of Advils... without any fucking milk.
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
My boss is explaining why he thinks time goes by faster and faster. Bc of the rockets. No lie.
Randomize
