If a girl drunk dials you she's at least entertained the idea of sleeping w/ you correct?
YES
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
the chick you hooked up with on my couch facebook friended me.
just thought you should know her name is kristen
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
I totally just potholed and almost crashed while trying to lick salsa off my boob.
I'm going to make a mold of my tits to bake a cake for him for our anniversary.. I can see the pride in his eyes now.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
so she gave me back a bag of clothing, had some boxers in it...they werent mine.... well that sums up 5 years of my life
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Is Facebook telling the truth about your nipples?!
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
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