he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
I'm pretty sure this isn't my phone, but I do like these nude pics
it's great music for shaving your balls
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
Im about to embark on a date with someone who shit in my car. How did this become my life?
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
Sincerely. Thanks. You could have thought of anyone sitting on your face but you chose me. :)
OMG MY DAD TOLD ME HE MIGHT DO TINDER
for the record im never blowing a guy on the toilet again, that was sad and degrading
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
I was afraid I was gonna get a URI, so I peed on his front porch.
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