her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
We now know how the night ended in arrest according to the flip camera I did 10 handle pulls and beer bonged a 40. My life choices are getting worse and worse this is your fault.
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
I just totok an inventory of my purse: 1 apple, 1 pair of underwear, 7 condoms, $18 in ones, a check with "for sexual healing" in the subject line, and a 4 oz bottle of wine.
Oh! and a letter from a judge saying I got an interview. Cause that balances it out.
It's Saturday night and I'm sitting on my couch by myself, watching Glee, and drinking gin and tonics. If you listen very closely, you can hear the wails of my mother giving up hope that I will ever give her a son-in-law.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Currently standing at the bus stop in just a pillowcase and its fucking snowing
Nothing kills the mood like opening another guy’s dick pic in bed
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