Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I'm getting drunk watching the disney channel. Is this a main reason why we aren't together anymore?
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
She came to class yesterday wearing a shirt saying Maybe Partying Will Help. Showed up to class today and puked three times.
You have no idea what this goes for my ego. I literally made you cum in your sleep.
Oh okay well are you handling the "just sex part" like a professional hooker like I taught you?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
just woke up on a lounge chair wearing a durag and holding burrito wrappers in my hands
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
I'm permanently fucked. Every liquid I put into my mouth automatically tastes like fireball.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
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