I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
She gave me a bj in her parent's kitchen while I ate the rest of her mom's birthday cake. Fuck. Yes.
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
It's now officially the Christmas season, so I have no shame in drinking evernog.
so hungover i had to get off the train to puke, rallied and went to work. not sure if that's an adulting win or fail
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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