With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
i've noticed that whenever i have to ask myself "would i be doing this if i was sober?" the answer is probably no.
Kinda felt bad though cuz she whimpered and shuttered a lot, i felt like i was kicking a puppy, only the puppy liked it and came a bunch
Fuck. I just got my nipple tweaked by a plus size drag queen in a purple dress. I feel like I got molested by Grimace.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
My mother is currently smoking weed with a dying bee so his last moments aren't miserable. And she wonders why I rescued a grasshopper missing a leg.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Her mom Is so hot that when she was bending over i just zoned out starin at her ass her dad slapped me on the back an said let me tell you son everything you see here is mine and you had better realize i felt like simba
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