are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
Megan brought her friend up last night, greeted her by drunkedly taking a piss all over her duffle bag of clothing
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
the kid next to me in math class is drawing gay porn. it's good, but that is beside the point
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
DUDE FUCK CALL ME SHE HAS GRANDKIDS
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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