bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
My tinder date wouldn't stop talking about the Star Wars movie trailer long enough to fuck me. HOW IS THIS MY LIFE?!?
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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