Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
New drink name: the Vermont Douchebag. Take shot of maple syrup, drop into cup of jager, bomb.
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Trying to figure out when's a good time to take acid and not tell anyone and see how long it takes people to notice
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
just saw a kid get pissed on buy a tiger at the zoo. His dad is rofling and the kid is crying. I think I have to go make a new friend
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Try me, you 5'5 gremlin
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