It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
the whole city is out of plan b pills. this is the meanest game of musical chairs ever.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
I just ate a bag of doritos while taking a shower. I can now officially do anything
After Thursday my breakup "don't screw anybody out of respect" month will be over and I will be set loose. My pussy is purring with anticipation.
The cab driver was nice enough to let you finish your beer in the car, but you crossed the line when you started to pee in the empty bottle
Stop saying "make it happen". I'm not gonna say "hey, you should get naked with your sister and roll around together while I penetrate you both"
Yes. Do not say that. That will not make it happen.
Still. Make it happen
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I didn't think you wanted your identity stolen along with your dignity. My mistake.
Randomize
