Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
Im pretty sure you told the waiter at Dennys last night to take your pants off or show a nipple.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
The guy I'm talking to drunk texted me his essay last night and he asked me to revise it
*jedi mind trick* you want to go down on me
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
