i just woke up in a strange room and the first thing i saw was a chewbacca mask... wtf
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
i want to give my vagina back to god and say no thank you
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Katie told the cabby "when the boat docks I'm getting off with you"
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
I'm currently being signed up to be painted nude for a college art class. ah yes best high decision ever
I feel like he better crank it up to level RG IV tomorrow. It's the fucking playoffs.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Because talking after sexting is equivalent to cuddling after sex
When the bouncer doesn't let you in... Don't ask him where he works so you could file a complaint with the better business bureau... It only proves him right.
It's 5 PM...and you're 35. Congrats on being an amazing human being.
Randomize
