I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
Fair enough. Everyone has some guilty pleasures. Yours is yourself
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
A girl told me I was her "alcohol spirit animal" tonight. Somehow I think my whole life was secretly building up to this moment
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
So, I gotta figure when the nurses at the emergency room noticed my new hair cut it means I'm there too often, right?
This toilet bowl is my home.
You will be reminded everyday when you witness my majestic mustache.
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