Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
So. I need to gloat. I couldn't exactly tell my family that I won this game by deep throating.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
YOU'RE NOT THE ONE BEING EVISCERATED BY YOUR OWN UTERUS SO GET SOME DAMN SLEEP YOU FOOL!
Randomize
