i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
her parents were awake and in the next room. i think i deserve a big fucking medal for that orgasm.
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
Because the last time i saw or spoke to him he came all over me in a hammock.
Please find an outlet that isn't stripping or getting drunk and arrested
She has an inverted nipple. She told to play with the normal one until the other one pops up.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think the guy I was trying to dance with was an undercover cop...
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
I just googled "creative ways to tell someone you'll give them a blow job". I'm losing my touch.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
Randomize
