why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
Yea...but the guy who is beating me has a ponytail. So actually, I'm the winner here.
Watching marley and me... this girls got me whipped man
Getting a high five from your dog when you're stoned is one the greatest rewards of being a pet owner.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
My moral compass cannot be waived by two measly bloody Mary's
I need you to ship me a penis cookie care package.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
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