You don't have asthma, your pregnant
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
As sure as my left ball is bigger then my right. We will have our moment.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Last night was good. Things got bad when I found a sledge hammer.
And he's a cuddle champ. I know because I slept over because I don't know what boundaries are.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
Stereotypically, lax bros last the longest, but have huge egos that are annoying. Baseball players barely last 10mins, but are really nice. And than we have soccer players, last long and have no egos. Me and my friends have collected our findings.
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
I'm hung over and my mom made me go to church. I feel like such a sinner.
I need an aspirin and some dignity.
Randomize
