why is jon gosselin on the news 24/7 for dating some new lady?? how bout I get on msnbc for not getting laid since forever ago
Got bored today and made list of places in apt I want to have sex. One includes opening and coming out the window.
If I die, please delete the word file entitled "Rainy Day"
Did you just see the Batmobile???
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
HE TRIED TO HIT ME WITH A CHAIR. Stoned video games are NOT happening again
I want to be tan and drunk. Is that too much to ask for?
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
The exact people you expect to find at a bar at 2pm are here. Come visit. We'd really like the company.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
Look, I know why you're asking me, but just because I'm gay does not make me a wiki on butt sex. Ask a doctor or you know, the internet like everyone else.
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
