i didn't know falling asleep in the tbell line could get you a dui. Isn't everyone there stoned or drunk?
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
he's doing fine. just headbutted the wall and threw up
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
the only thing you and i have in common is the we like weed and looking at my naked body.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
as your best friend, I hope we never outgrow 'I Just Got Laid' texts
I traded him cumming in my face for a year for a Disney annual pass. One giant leap back for feminism, one small step for the adult child Disney fan.
"I wonder if vinegar is some sort of magical hangover cure" "...no I was definitely still drunk and drinking vinegar because I was thirsty"
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
is it sad that the highlight of my saturday night was waiting till 3 in the morning to hear about your saturday night?
Randomize
