I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
should I fuck that poor girl
no dude she won't be able to afford a fucking abortion
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
Midnight run for medical supplies ended several hours later with a lapdance to the Braveheart soundtrack.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
The squirrels are partying on my roof again. Now they're just rubbing it in that I'm home alone on a Saturday night and they're having orgies.
Why are there two phone calls to calgary police in my phone and why is there a voicemail from you asking for bail money
I swear to god those aren't related
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
I woke up in an ill fitting childs tutu this morning and the shower curtain is knocked down. Wtf happened?
I forgot to tell you, that tinder guy literally lives 15 floors beneath me. I have been creepily saying things to him like "I see youve got a hammer on the patio"
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I'M SO HIGH I FORGOT HOW TO EAT A STRAWBERRY. A FUCKING STRAWBERRY.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
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