I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Yeah well I just ate cereal out of a muffin pan with a fork. I'll flip a coin as to who has to tackle that pile of dishes we've neglected for 3 weeks.
Dude, just discovered frito and mozzarella nachos. Don't say I never contributed anything to this world.
She is definitely tripolar. Like bipolar but better/worse.
I'm this close to masturbating to his profile pics from 2006
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
It was a frighteningly large penis to say the least
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
