I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
I bet he comes in French.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
just asked if they'd gift wrap go-go taquitos for you at 7-eleven
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They just asked a fat guy to move to the other side of the plane. Send me a pic of your tits incase we crash
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
My fuck buddy just proposed... Correct me if I'm wrong, but doesn't that completely defeat the purpose of FRIENDS with benefits?
Now you can be friends with Insurance Benefits.
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
