Pants on the Ground is the theme song of my life
we had you propped up in a chair and fed you donuts. i've never seen you happier
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
im calling her cock vulture from now on
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You better of fucked him last night or do it now because he is buying all the roommates McDonald's.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
the fat guy in me is very excited, and the skinny guy in me is very excited for the fat guy in me
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She keeps feeding me drugs. Its like I'm her baby bird or something
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
So. Somehow managed to fuck my contacts out of my eyes. Didn't know that was even possible.
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize