When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Exactly. So you're exempt under the "I can't just fuck her to make it go away" clause of 2010.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Playing Cards Against Humanity with my relatives at Christmas while I'm stoned was a bad idea...
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Dude, some chick came over here earlier and thought my lube was hand sanitizer. She poured it all over her hands.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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