you know whats awesome about this morning. A suprise visit from my dad at 7:30 am. There was a pair of heels on the lawn and a girl sleeping in just her underwear on the floor of my living room. He either thinks im a champion or a total fuck up. I'm thinking fuck up but im hoping champion.
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
I just followed a trail of feathers and glitter to class. Today better be fucking magical.
Why hello there Olivia! How are you today on this fine and most wonderful morning full of magic and adventure and awesomeness?
Someone just got laid.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
This baby is an asshole
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
don't do laundry while your drunk! i found a ketchup bottle & clothes hanger in the washer this morning!
Randomize
