my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
Just took a closer look at the paper that kid wrote me his number on. It was an ATM receipt. His balance is $17.89. i made the right choice.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
you're acting like its my fault you're allergic to sperm or something.
i told you we never speak of that again
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
The chick got into the cab with us and said we have 3 chances to guess what she just stuck up her ass. Hello to you to!
That's like the cock version of a mortal kombat fatality.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
You know you're too drunk when you start calling people out for unfollowing you on social networks.
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
Sometimes I feel like my vagina has a photographic memory of his penis. It sucks that he got engaged....
Randomize
