So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
Stop bringing these fucking whores home with you. If I have to fight over the remote with a bleach blonde idiot wanting to watch the hills reruns one more time I'm pissing in your shampoo.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
Ive consumed more rum studying for law school finals than I did that time I fucked that fat chick in the back of VW Beetle. It's all ugly, but for different reasons.
Dude you took some guys glasses off his face and ran out of the bar
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
No. 70% of the female population would find them attractive. The other 30% are lesbian and even they would appreciate them for their strong bodies and athletic capabilities.
My legs r really sober for running now
I don't think that's how sobriety works.
I'm Michael Phelps, Olympic Champion.
Are you just smoking weed? Cause that's not actually a Michael Phelps costume
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
Like people our age are getting engaged, and I’m out here spooning with a giant unicorn I bought at Walmart on Black Friday.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
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