To answer your question of whether I "went back," tits just informed me I was kicked out for falling off my barstool and passing out on the floor...
in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
I just did the scooter of shame. New levels of embarrassment have now opened.
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I would really like to get high with Bill Nye. I'm being dead serious. Every step I take is literally a step I take because it will take me closer to Science Guy high.
We could get him to build Inspector Gadget.
I didn't know you were high TOOOO!!!
youre totally missing out on eating your boogers right now. my entire face is numb
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
he just used "boss" and "boner" in the same sentence. I cant respond.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
My roomate had an hour long melt down about her life choices not realizing I was in the middle of having sex... So yea it went pretty horribly.
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
He fucked the hangover right out of me. That good.
Randomize
