Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
Send us your Text From Last Night!
I lost half a toenail and didn't realize it. Bloody shoe shoulda been a clue.
We fucked like animals and then decided we actually liked each other so then we made love. It's a match made in heaven.
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
The bad news is I fucked my exes girlfriend. The good news is I100% understand why he left me
omg he is no good in bed, bless his little heart and his big dick
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
..puke & rally mid art final. HAPPY CINCO DE MAYO!
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
Handcuffed our DD to a naked stripper don't think he will try to sneak out
He can pick locks you know
That's the reason for the naked stripper
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
Do the molecules within bourbon change when mixed with a cola to form a superior liquid treat?
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
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