Think about all of the events that have led to this: me sitting in the back of my classroom drinking beer out of a taco bell cup, telling the teacher I have to leave early to go to an AA meeting.
We pay for beer, you give birth. It's how the world works.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
splinters make it hard to masturbate
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
He got about halfway through singing "Drift Away" before he passed out and broke my coffee table.
I spent an hour trying to convert bar outfits to church outfits. Its hard.
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
You literally chaperoned my booty call.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
I may have interrupted sex but im bringing them both to McDonalds. Am I not the greatest older sister ever?
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Randomize
