my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
It's now 3:30 and the guy I went home with is showering me with shredded cheese. Nbd.
I've done nothing but whore my gay ex bf out for the past 48 hours. It's getting weird.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I think its pretty common. 1 out of every 4 people probably have a stripper's phone # in their phone.
Just did the walk of shame in front of his dad while I was wearing his gym shorts and my heels from graduation last night. Keep it classy '12
SOS. HE HAS PASSED OUT AND IS LYING ON TOP OF ME. HE IS STILL INSIDE. HELP
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
I just feel like everything is too perfect
He's probably a serial killer or chronic masturbator
Or both. Which is common
I've already dropped her on the ground of a crowded bar dancing , been incoherent drunk to the point i couldn't speak and came within 2 seconds all on separate evenings so at this point she should know what I'm about
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
Muscle is literally tearing itself off of my shins. No I am not going on another bar crawl with you.
I'll pay?
Pick me up at 9.
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
