If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
and then she yelled "im going to fuck the next guy that walks by me". so ya thats how i lost my virginity
were you wearing a green and blue thong last night?
yes! wait why?
because i found it in my pocket this morning...
Of course, I believed he would find me irrestible...sloppy drunk, chugging from a bottle of chardonnay, and completely naked because those kids stole my clothes as I was swimming on their private beach
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Dont worry about the blood on the pillow. its from my face.
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
I'm not proud of how I threatened that 8 year old during drunken laser tag
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
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Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Sooo...you're driving 6 hours for free booze?
Don't judge me.
soo... how was my night?
I have to stop at Sheetz to put my bra back on before I meet you hold on
No I feel the same as usual. Mopey with a chance of bitch fits.
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