I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
just woke up with an anonymous loaf of bred in my bed and a piece in my mouth. this says alot about my life.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
in the bathroom helping her wash cum out her eye. pretty much explains my sex life
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
He wanted to put Kesha on after he came in my mouth. I had to draw some sort of trashy, gay line.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
.......The other day I peed on him in the shower....he was trying to touch my boobs and I wanted my space.
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
He's in grad school at Harvard. I suppose that means my vagina is now smarter than I am.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Why am I sleeping on top of the fridge?
You were playing hide and seek with the dog. she couldn't find you and you passed out.
Randomize
