You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
i want tt clbm rinabw nd ride uncrn
what?
i wnt tto climb a rainboww and ride a unicornnnnnnnnn
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Holy walk of shame. Fuck someone's house. I walked past a family eating their free continental breakfast wearing yesterday's makeup
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I think the universe has a conglomeration of sentences reserved only for me.
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
I got unbelievably drunk yesterday, need some time off. Apparently pulling your balls out to make your buddy's girlfriend miss beerpong shots is frowned upon.
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
