looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
I'd just like to inform all involved that walking into a liquor store holding a milk crate at the beginning of a night as stock ends badly
you never texted me what you wanted from the store so I got a piece of chicken and bottle of tequila. if you want anything else you are on your own.
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
Why are there hooting douchebags outside my building? Did a sport happen again?
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
I'm high, watching "Scream" and eating a grilled cheese sandwich off my boobs. I'm not going anywhere
Come on, clusterfuck. Put on a pushup bra and get your fine ass to the bar, or you will be a sad single stoner forever
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
so i may or may not have just had sex on the stage of the lecture hall....
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
